Jonasklok
by cyberrebel9
Summary: I love my little sister so much I would write her a story on the Jonas brothers meeting Dethklok. When Charlie asks his best friend Seline out, problems occur as Dethklok is assigned to babysit her band: the Jonas Brothers. It will be brutal, trust me.
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer:_ I do not own Dethklok or the Jonas brothers. Dethklok is owned by Cartoon Network, Brendan Small and Tommy Blacha. The Jonas Brothers are owned by the Disney Corporation.

Note: Any spelling error in dialogue is intentional as it is how some of the characters talk. I.E. Pickles, Toki, Skwisgaar, and Murderface.

JonasKlok

By: Kelsey and Kate

Charlie was never well liked at Harvard. True, he was captain of the debate team; but that had made him more enemies than friends and it didn't help that he was perhaps the most driven music and law student that Harvard had ever had; or that he played the tuba for twelve years.

Then one day Seline, a bright woman with aspirations to manage the next great entertainment demi-god, walked into his life and it was never the same.

The day had started as usual; everyone was drunk except for Charlie. Toki was the first one up at seven AM, as even drunk he kept a tight schedule. So by eight he was looking for someone to hang out with. Of course Charlie was up by eight fifteen, so the duty to entertain Toki befell him.

"Does yous wants to makes Popsicles?" Toki offered with a light shinning in his eyes. Charlie merely frowned.

"As much as I would love to help you cook, Toki. I'm afraid I'm expecting a phone call." He gestured to his black PDA sitting on the kitchen counter.

"Oh, is being your mommy, again?" Toki teased pouring some orange soda into a Popsicle pan.

"No Toki, it is not my mother. It is just a very important phone call."

"Is it being your goilsfriends?" At this Charlie blushed to a brutal shade of red.

"No, it is just a very important phone call."

"Who is it, den?"

"It is a personal phone call, Toki. Technically, it's none of your business; I don't have to tell you."

"But yous using da Dethklok companies phone, den whats makes its?" Charlie's jaw almost dropped into his breakfast.

"Well, Toki," he mumbled, "That is a very good point."

"Well, den who is it?" Charlie swallowed hard.

"Her name is Seline; we met in collage and have been friends for a very long time. We are both in the same business of music management and that gives us two busy schedules. This will be the first time that we've talked in two month." Toki stared at the educated Harvard grad while putting the Popsicle pan in the freezer and grabbing a root beer.

"So dat is your goilsfriends?" A blood vessel in Charlie's face burst from embarrassment.

"Well, no, Toki. We are both very busy. Too busy, unfortunately, to have any relationship, with anyone." Toki took a loud sip of root beer.

"So she is be the goil you wants to dates but whats can'ts because yous are a selfish work-aholzaks?" Charlie was about to respond when he saw the PDA dancing on the counter. He quickly grabbed the phone and his coffee and started on his way to the office. He was slightly shocked to notice Toki following him but even still answered.

"Hello, Seline." Charlie answered formally. Two seconds passed and then a cool confident female voice met his.

"Hello, Charles. How's life in your neck of the woods?" Charlie's heart skipped a beat when he heard the heartfelt diction as she called him Charles.

"Well, things with the boys are going great, Seline. They're going to be participating in a lot of interesting business endeavors, the albums due in a month."

"Yeah, I've heard fan suicide rates are up again. But then I thought, when are they not?" She laughed an innocent chuckle and Charlie made an odd noise in his mouth that might have been mistaken for laughter. Toki, on the other hand, was definitely laughing.

"Shut up, Toki!" Charlie snapped. Toki, who had never heard Charlie raise his voice for even a second dropped his root beer and stood still.

"What was that, Charles?"

"Nothing, how are your boys doing?" He questioned cheerfully.

"Well, mine are pretty busy too. I just got out of a Radio Disney recording. Listen, you think Dethklok is loud, listen to a thousand pre-teen girls scream for an hour. That could wake a lake troll." Charlie made that noise again, and then he got bold. He bit his lip for a second, building up courage, and said something he should have said back in collage.

"I was wondering, Seline, is there any chance you'd be free this evening? Possibly, would you want to come over for . . ." he wanted to say date but mumbled a few words together and decided on: "dinner?" There was silence over the phone line. Then finally she spoke.

"Charles, that would be, wonderful. But I'm afraid I can't leave the boys alone. The girls would tear them apart!" Suddenly, Toki yanked the phone out of Charlie's hands.

"Dat is okay, Lady! Mordous has snipers with big shinny guns. Deh's 50 caliber or something. Deh won't let those liddle goils through." Charles grabbed the phone and shot Toki what appeared to be some ancient lawyer curse through his eyes.

"I apologize for that, Seline. If you can not make it I completely understand."

"Wait, Charles!" she said hurriedly, "I think that can work. Maybe your boys and my boys could hang out for a little bit and we could, talk." Charlie popped another blood vessel in his cheek.

"I would like that a lot, Seline." Even Toki was smiling at that.

"I'm halfway across the country right now, but if I take the boy's private plane I think I could be there by, six-ish tonight?"

"That would be amazing, Seline. I can't wait to see you then." A loud scream was heard across the line.

"Oh great. One of the fans got in somehow. Charles, I got to go. I'll see you later tonight. Bye!" After the click Charlie stood still for a second, just listening to his heart beat a thousand times its regular pace. Then he did the most unusual thing Toki had ever seen a man in a suit do. He jumped up and down like a schoolgirl screaming:

"Yes, yes, yes!" Toki could feel the joy bouncing around in the room and joined in.

"Whats are wes jumpings for, Charlies?" He asked beaming. After Charlie stopped he responded.

"Go wake up the boys. Tell them I'm calling a band meeting."

"But deys all sleepings?" Toki questioned.

"I don't care; this is important. Seline and the Jonas Brothers are coming over and I need everyone on their best behavior." Toki smiled and turned to leave, but before he did he left Charlie with one last sing-songy remark.

"Charlies has a goilfriends!"


	2. Chapter 2

Ch. 2

(P.S. I love flames! 3)

You know, a band meeting is going to be g-r-e-a-t when it starts off like this:

"The Jonas Brothers? Those little [Riff]suckers! How could you do this?" Boomed Nathan from his podium at the table. Similar statements followed.

"Those gay dildos? Why you thinks dis, Charlies?" moaned Skwisgaar while plucking an unusually annoying guitar rhythm.

"Just thinkin' 'bout d'hose weirdoes hangin' in Mordus is a disgrace to the very foundation 'a metal!" Murderface didn't bother replying with an answer he just stabbed his knife into the table and started screaming about 'Disney Cash Cows', the night had not been easy on him. Charlie took it all in before calmly telling Murderface to sit down.

"I hear all of your opinions, and they are all completely valid opinions, but this is a publicity stunt even we can't avoid."

"Dude, no it's a publicity train wreck! Da' fans will hate us!" Pickles corrected.

"Ja, buts when has dat's ever stoped us before, Pickle?" All eyes turned to Toki, who had just spoken for the first time for the entire band meeting.

"Dis is importants to Charlies. We can't takes dis away from hims!"

"Ja, whats is beings importants about a bunch 'a little dildo lickin' boys?" complained Skwisgaar. Toki valiantly stood up and before he even spoke Charlie was embarrassed.

"Becauses, silly Skwisgaars. Charlies likes dere ladies manag-ear." Skwisgaar and about four sixths of the entire room rolled their eyes and then looked to Charlie for some type of response. Charlie loosened his tie.

"I think you are forgetting, this is an exciting educational experience. Think about how much you two groups could learn from each other?" The room was silent, then Murderface spoke.

"Sho, ish she hot?" At this Charlie blushed.

"Yeah, does she have big, you-know?" Nathan added.

"Yoush know, tits. He ashking does she have big—"

"Her breasts have nothing to do with this conversation."

"Oh, so she's, whats yous say, flat as boards?" The little vain on Charlie's head began to hurt.

"No, Skwisgaar. Her breasts are perfectly normal, I assure you."

"Then, why, do you want her?"

" 'cause he's in loves wid her, can'ts yous see dat. How brave is dis man's heart, to wither the storm of love!"

"Whatsh, the point of a woman witsh out tits. It's like popcorn witsh out booze!"

"Yeah, I mean pick one 'a 'da groupies. C'mon!"

"EVERYONE SHUT UP!" The room turned ice silent, as five eyes locked on to Charlie who cleared his throat and continued.

"Seline and I will be having a romantic evening in my office. All I need you to do is entertain three Disney pop stars for one evening. Just stay in the main room and the recording studio, and rest assured everything will be under control." There was an understanding silence that followed then Murderface dislodged his knife from the table and re-stabbed it in a piece of mace-seasoned chicken.

"Sho, she got a big ash, or shomething?" The vain on Charlie's forehead exploded.

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"Gentlemen," Senator Stampingston began, "We have a situation." The eyes of the tribunal fell on the large television screen before them.

"It seems Dethklok has invited a major teeny-bopper boy band over for dinner. They are known as the Jonas Brothers." The tribunal groaned.

"My seven year-old niece is into them." General Crozier groaned.

"They are a bunch of fruity boy toys, what makes them a threat?"

"Miss Cyrus from the Disney Corporation will answer any further questions." Stampingston responded. The Senator turned to his right and introduced a young looking woman with strait brown hair and innocently manipulative blue eyes.

"Gentlemen, this is no laughing matter." Said the woman with a childish voice.

"The Jonas Brothers' influence extends to every child middle school and under. We need them to market our core conservative values and instill them in the younger generation. If Dethklok is able to influence these boys the results could be deadly. If children start asking questions about sex, drugs, and religion we'll loose our control over them. They could become thinking, intelligent human beings, and we can not have that, now can we?"

"Conservative values?" responded Cardinal Ravenwood, "Aren't you the young lady with all the naughty pictures on you're myspace?" Miss Cyrus looked down.

"I have no idea what you are talking about." The Senator took back the conversation.

"Gentlemen, the Disney Corporation is one of America's oldest and most successful corporations. Without its control over America's youth the nation will slip into chaos."

"Who is behind this unholy alliance?" Crozier growled.

"We believe her name is Seline Adams, the Jonas Brothers' manager. We believe she is in league with Charles Foster Ofdensen. They were 'best friends' in collage together. I fear if they rekindle their relationship Dethklok's influence over the boys will become unbreakable."

"This woman needs to be assassinated. Just say the word and I'll have my best men over—"

"No, we must watch, General, we must watch." Echoed Mr. Selatcia as the scene faded away.


	3. Chapter 3

Ch.3 Brought to you by Quiznos!

They say fame is fickle; men have sold their very souls for just the slightest taste of fame. It is something fleeting, never to be ignored or taken for granted—unless of course, in the obscure possibility you have a pre-teen terrorist handcuffed to your arm—then you are allowed to complain about being famous.

That, or you're forced to wear purity rings.

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"My favorite song by you is: "When you look me in the eyes" off your self-titled second album. I have all your Cds, including the rare never released Bulgarian album."

Kelsey Quiznos didn't have much of a life in New York.

"I can sing every lyric to every one of your songs! 'When your heart is always searching!'" She had three friends, three really awesome friends, three really awesome friends that happened to be life size cardboard cutouts of the Jonas Brothers.

"Joe, I kiss your poster goodnight every night! I dropped out of middle school to further our relationship." Okay, so she had no friends, nor concept of reality. But she had a room full of Jonas posters, magazines, CD's and a bottle of Nick Jonas' special addition "Burnin' up for you" Vagisil ointment. Her parents were so proud.

"Seline!" screamed Joe, the leader of the three corporate stooges.

"Seline! It's talking again!" Kevin, the oldest of the trio shot his fallen comrade one of those 'you're so screwed' looks and returned to reading Tigerbeat.

"I changed my facebook status to 'married to a Jonas' for you!" Nick attempted to cell phone a distress call but found his battery running low. He shook his head and shot his brother one of those 'you're really screwed' looks.

"I bought your entire clothing line, you know the one for dogs?"

"SELINE!" Joe screamed now desperate. From the bathroom across the tour bus came a response.

"Deal with it, Joe! I'm busy!" Seline shrieked. Joe pulled on the handcuffs enslaving him to the annoying conversation, and frowned sending and earth quake of cracked lines to decimate his boyish face with worry.

"But I need the lock cutters!" Kelsey's face contorted as though the man of her dreams had just admitted to finding her annoying.

"Look, tonight is really important to me. Can you please, just stop being a selfish boy band for five seconds?" Even Kelsey was silent for a second, but then she started talking about her Jonas Brothers underwear and the screaming resurfaced.

Frustrated, Seline kicked open the door with a red high heel and stomped off into the main room.

Seline, was twenty-eight, a Harvard grad, and voted number four on the New York Times' list of influential people. Charlie was of course voted number one, but when you've been friends with someone for four years you tend not to care about insignificant things like the New York Times and world influence. Seline was raised in a Latino community just out side of Los Angeles and worked most of her life to wash the scent of slum life off her tanned skin. It wasn't that she resented anyone back home, her mother had been one of her biggest influences; she just wanted something more, something like power. And so from that moment on, there was a fire in her brown eyes, a fire that could light up the abyss.

"Listen, you!" She commanded the leech.

"Joe would consider you a better girl friend if you didn't talk. He might even consider you a wife one day." Kelsey's eyes widened.

"Really?" Seline pretended to zip an imaginary zipper on her mouth and Kelsey took the hint and shut it. For a short minute the bus was silent.

"Oh, My Jonas. Why was Nick voted hotter then me?" Kevin screamed throwing Tigerbeat across the bus.

"Everyone knows _I'm_ the cute one. You're only the semi-musically talented one." Nick almost exploded.

"Shut your mouth! Everyone knows _I'm_ the cute one! Seline, tell him I'm the cute one!" Seline looked at her watch then vaguely attempted to come up with an excuse.

"Umm, I'm pretty sure if I say any of you are attractive, I'll be arrested. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get ready for a date—er, umm, meeting, meeting."

"Whoa! What did you say? You did not just say date." Kevin said with the most feminine hand flip seen since the first person coined the word 'fabulous'.

"Meeting, I said meeting. With a very important client, very important." Of course one logical explanation is never enough to satisfy a teenage mob and so the accusations continued.

"So who is it, Seline? I bet he's some Harvard jock."

"No, Seline is the scumbag type. I bet he's a thug from da' 'hoods."

"No, an RIT technician!"

"Or a fireman with a young daughter from a previous marriage."

"Or maybe, it's a girl!"

"OMJ, Kevin shut up! We work for the Disney Corporation, we can't acknowledge stuff like that exists!"

"Well, I'm just saying. You know she could be, and it's not like there is anything wrong with that, or anything."

"Talk to the purity ring, Kevin."

"HIS NAME IS CHARLES!" The room turned to Seline, whose skin tone now matched her red lipstick.

"His name is Charles, we've been friends for a long time, a very long time. I've always, sort of, well." Then the cheesy romance music started to play.

"I've always loved, Charles. I just never wanted to hurt our friendship. He's been my best friend for a long time. He just has this charm to him, this drive for success, for greatness, for power and perfection. He's just perfect in every conceivable way, even his smile. It's not like a regular smile, it's not just white, it gleams, it sparkles—are you even listening?" Joe, Nick and Kevin were sound asleep, like any normal person who doesn't spend every weekend re-reading the Twilight series, only Kelsey with her brown hopelessly hopeful eyes watering, was listening.

"That was the most beautiful thing I've heard. It's-it's-it's, you need to tell him how you feel." And so Seline planned on it.


End file.
